Saturday, September 4, 2010

Product Review; "Orbits Mint Mojito Sugar-free Gum"




I originally thought I'd start this post off with some kind of joke that passively attacks the performance of this chewing gum. But then, I realized that it'd just be easier to be honest and to the point;

They suck!

And why should you care, you ask? Thought this was a blog about makeup and skincare, did you? Well, listen here: it is. But it's MY blog and I'll talk about what I like so you just sit there nicely and I'll make my point soon enough. Then we can go back to playing with the new glitters I just got from MAC.

Even when on a set, I always reach for foods made with, topped with or just chock full of garlic. Being from Gilroy, Ca. (the Garlic Capital of the World) I was raised on the stuff and developed an immunity to it's intoxicating odor. No one ever tells me that I smell though. So either, they're just being nice, or I just don't stink at all.

As a makeup artist (this is where I make my point...listen closely) I am always right in the face of anyone I'm working with, so it's always a good idea to be sure I don't offend anyone. And, yes, that means having decent breath (told you!). I used to keep Big Red Chewing Gum with me all the time but after the 15th visit, my dentist finally told me that this is the reason I have so many cavities. And sugar-free was the best choice from now on.

Orbit gum was originally developed in 1944 as a means to support the troops in WWII when all stock of Wrigley's tops sellers were sent overseas to the Armed Forces. Speculation still surrounds the reasons it was made in sugar-free form but in 2007, it was officially accepted by the American Dental Association as aiding in fighting cavities and diminishing harmful plaque inducing acids. The original flavors of Spearmint and Wintermint are strong and long-lasting that gave permanence to the brands main tagline, providing a "Just Brushed Clean Feeling".

This flavor does not.

I don't know much about the chemistry of chewing gum, but it's got to be in the flavor part of the recipe. Wintermint and Spearmint are the kind of gum that will last all day neutralizing any copius amount of garlic I can shove in my mouth, but Mint Mojito is barely sub-par. The flavor is something like a lime that's been cut with an orange and then doused in water. Immediately it tastes refreshing and then it dissapears just as fast. Not only that, but the texture begins to fade even faster. What was once chewy and succulent becomes the consistency of wet paper. With the same taste.

After the flavor is completely gone (about 5 minutes), the gum base starts seperating from itself catching in the ridges of my molars and bits floating on my tongue. Sounds gross, right? That's how it feels. I first thought I got a weird pack so I picked up another from the corner store and, sure enough, same thing. But, then I thought, "okay, maybe it's just those two packs". But a trip to the bodega in SoHo proved that theory wrong. And so did the candy counter at the Duane Reade in Columbus Circle.

I had started packing Orbit gum in my kit for quite some time now. Not only for myself but my clients, producers, assistants, and pretty much anyone else who shouts out, "does anyone have some gum?". Being the first to pull out a pack can make you very popular!

But only if it's actually satisfying.

My advice to Wrigley; Stick to the classics!

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